When negotiations seem to be breaking down and there's no more energy on either side, it's easy to abandon hope for mediation. Instead, a key tactic exists in taking a deeper look into the personal needs of the people on both sides of the table.

When former president of the U.N. General Assembly, and current Darfur Special Envoy, Jan Eliasson, had been stuck in Iran for three days over a matter he thought would have been quickly resolved, he felt his impatience building. But instead of giving up, or directing his frustration towards the situation, he took an entirely different approach:

"I said, 'I've been in Tehran 20 times and you've forced me to work every time. I've never had a chance to go to your carpet museum.'" Initially, the interpreter told Eliasson that the Iranians thought he was crazy. But then the energy of the room shifted and they all decided to take a trip to the carpet museum!

Once there, Eliasson asked about the knots, and the colors and the patterns. It was a fascinating, three-hour intensive course on Persian carpets! Upon their return to the ministry, the atmosphere had gone from tired and negative to wonderfully relaxed. Furthermore, Eliasson says that they referred to him as their friend and told him they didn't think that a Westerner coming to Tehran would find the carpet museum such a great thing to do.

Always Take a Walk in the Other Person's Shoes

The primary takeaway from Jan Eliasson's story is a fundamental lesson: appreciate the history and mindset of whoever you're working with. If you can show that you genuinely care about how they live, work and develop their community or organization, you will build a deep bond at a level second to none. And, not only will this approach lead to greater success in mediations and negotiations, but as Jan Eliasson says: "you will also have a more fun and interesting life yourself."

You can watch the video version on my interview with Jan Eliasson on YouTube.