Last month, I had the wonderful opportunity to visit the U.S. Military Academy in West Point New York.

While there, I talked to Col. Thomas Kolditz , head of their Leadership Department. As he's someone who has been in situations that require extraordinary leadership efforts under some of the most stressful and life threatening conditions, I asked if he'd tell me about one of the biggest setbacks or opportunities to learn from a failure he'd experienced.

He recounted a tragic incident, which occurred one early Halloween morning in 1998, when seven of his soldiers were involved in a training accident. Five of them were killed.

"They drove an armored vehicle off a bridge into the water just south of the demilitarized zone in the Republic of Korea," he recounted soberly. "As I faced that crisis, that challenge, I as a leader assumed responsibility for their training and for their lives. At some level I believe I failed them."

But Kolditz said this experience really taught him how a leader needs to behave in a crisis:

"I learned the importance of coaching people how to lead during these difficult experiences," he continued. "A wonderful general met me on that bridge in Korea and coached me through it. The first thing he said was, ‘You know Tom, it’s not what happens to an organization that determines its success or failure, it’s how the leader responds to it that really matters.' I’ll never forget that. It’s made me very resilient in other crises and I hope it’s made me a better leader to those in crises who’ve needed support. “

When the going gets tough, people forget your personality and care more about your competence and ability to lead.

Watch the video version of my talk with Col. Kolditz at West Point below: