I asked him to give us some tips from his book and research that would help us in creating the best possible relationships. Here are his five takeaways:

TAKEAWAY 1: Flattery is Underrated

"Actually, you really want to praise people all the time and minimize criticism as much as possible. People are suckers for flattery but they're not suckers for praise. We found that if you praise frequently, people will not only think they're better, more importantly, they'll think that you’re smarter and better too."

TAKEAWAY 2: Be Consistent

"We found that birds of a feather do flock together, people do like what’s like them. But it’s a disaster to try to be half one way and half another. Inconsistency is the single most dangerous, untrustworthy thing a person can do.”

TAKEAWAY 3: We Need Each Other to Succeed

"Most team building exercises, we discovered, don’t work because most people don’t understand what’s actually important about teams. What's most important in building teams is identification and interdependence: we need each other to succeed."

TAKEAWAY 4: Use Active Listening

“Negative emotions have to be handled properly in the office. We can’t just let people vent. Instead we have to use active listening, and reflect what people tell us back to them. That way they can use the negative experience as an opportunity to make themselves look better."

TAKEAWAY 5: Persuasion=Expertise and Persuasion

"To persuade, you really only have to focus on two things: expertise, proving that you know what you’re talking about, and being trustworthy, proving that you care. These do, however, have to be traded off. Sometimes it’s better to be more of an expert and less trustworthy, other times it’s better to be more trustworthy and less of an expert."

Watch the video versions of my talk with Cliff below:

During our recent trip together to the French countryside (below), Jack shared the story of one of his earlier startups, where he headed engineering.

“We were running short of cash and working 24/7 on our software product in a rundown building. Someone went into the kitchen to use the microwave. The fuse popped and the lights went out,” he sighed.

The computers went dead and much of their precious data was corrupted. Exhausted and frustrated, they lost focus on their plan and started fighting with each other over meaningless details. Political battles ensued, draining scarce time and resources.

Just before they ran out of money, they called an all-hands meeting. “We laid all the problems out on the table and invited each team member to contribute ideas and, most important, to re-commit to their individual role in our overall plan,” he said.

“Ultimately, one person must be accountable for each and every specific project outcome. That not only reduces the chaos, it also creates more motivation for people when they know they own—and can take credit and responsibility—for their own results.”

Finally, a venture capitalist arrived to look at investing in their company. As the VC peered over an engineer’s shoulder to watch a software demo, the investor suddenly reached down to the electric socket and pulled the plug—-literally! The VC didn’t want to invest in software that was vulnerable to a crash.

“Fortunately, when we turned the machine back on, the software worked perfectly,” Jia said. “If the VC had done that two weeks earlier, we would have failed his test and ran out of cash. Execution is all about each player’s ownership of the plan!”

Within three years, the company listed on Nasdaq and was worth over $7 billion soon thereafter.

"I was in this waiting room in the hospital with my two young daughters," he recalled. "And eventually the doctor said that my wife Katy had ovarian cancer and that it had spread."

But instead of allowing the fear and anxiety to take over, Michael and his family reached out to their community for support--and it made all the difference.

"I set a lot of my business and work aside during that season because I knew we had to focus on Katy," he told me. "We received this outpouring of affection. Those connections and relationships really helped us get through that very difficult time and we actually surprisingly experienced a lot of joy during a period that could be filled with a lot of anxiety."

In assembling a medical team to help heal Katy, Michael and his family surrounded themselves with the same type of people: those that cared deeply.

"I did a lot of research and found one of the best teams in the world for ovarian cancer. I chose them first for a very rational reason: they were extremely competent," Michael explained. "But the second part of my choice was in knowing they cared. I could feel it and that made all the difference. At the end of the day, I was so much more optimistic knowing that we had a team behind us that cared for Katy and our family. It really made me feel we could get through it."

Today, Michael and his family are happy to say that Katy is cancer free and doing great. His story is a wonderful reminder that leadership is about caring and connection.

Watch Michael tell his story below:

Feyzi Fatehi, current CEO of Corent Technology, which won the 2009 Emerging Software Company of the Year Award, knows a thing or two about how to bounce back from rejection.

We sat down together in New York City where he shared some great advice on how to overcome failure and stick with your vision until you achieve your goal:

Find People Who Share Your Vision

"Truly believe in your value and bring other people who share that value onto your team."

Don’t Expect People to Understand You Right Away

"You want to be understood when there’s something you’re passionate about. But sometimes, despite using all your communication efforts and intellectual skills, the people you respect just don’t get it. You have to just turn around and take a breath and revive the vision in your mind--then move on."

When You’re Frustrated, Focus on Your Passion

"It’s not about the fact that you go down, it’s about how quickly you can come up. Re-energize yourself and revive your passion and vision."

What Turns Your Lights On?

"You have to identify what you’re really passionate about, what, as a friend of mine says, 'turns your lights on.'"

Be selective: Turn Down Jobs if You’re Not Committed

"The sooner you understand what turns your lights on, the sooner you can say no to certain work opportunities, and say yes to those that turn you into a more inspired person."

Become an Expert: Believe in Your Passion

"Invest in doing the things you’d like to do better—create mastery so doing the things that makes you happy becomes easy."

Check out the video version of my interview with Feyzi below:

In this economic environment, everyone is working harder out of necessity. Yet, at the last two funerals I attended this year, I was struck by how the eulogies I heard never made mention of the extra time those departed souls spent in their office. No, the people who mattered most talked about their love for their family, their friends, their community, and perhaps those customers whose lives they may have touched.

When I reached out to friends I've not seen in months to invite them to Bonita's birthday tomorrow, it was eye-opening and heart wrenching to hear from so many people whose lives have been impacted by sudden changes of fate over the past year. My coauthor Brian Tracy is enduring horrible radiation therapy and inspiring everyone with his undaunted enthusiasm for life and work. Another friend is having a thyroid removed; others are fighting cancer of every kind. It felt good to talk to so many people whom I've missed during this busy year, but it was also a warning: Carpe Diem.

Whatever the dream you have for your life or your family, do it now.

When clients sent me to the World Cup to do seminars a few weeks ago, I never hesitated to fulfill a dream I had for my daughter: an African safari. My last trip to Africa 14 years ago included service work for Save the Children, and it resulted in Bonita and I deciding to become parents for the first time--before it was too late. We had been together 20 years and were in our early 40s before deciding to have our first and only child. I couldn't wait for that girl to be old enough to return to the the cradle of life, to see Africa, where so much of humanity was conceived.

In the Bush, there are few animals, particularly prey, who sleep for more than a few minutes at a time. Under those circumstances, the job of life is survival. Unless you've ever been seriously hungry or threatened, it's hard to appreciate how good you have it when you're not worried about your next meal or whether you will be one for someone else.

In the brief video you can watch below, my daughter and I share a moment of our dream. She's been around the world three times with us--we live an extraordinary life.

As Jack London said, I'd 'rather be ashes than dust'.

While there, I talked to Col. Thomas Kolditz , head of their Leadership Department. As he's someone who has been in situations that require extraordinary leadership efforts under some of the most stressful and life threatening conditions, I asked if he'd tell me about one of the biggest setbacks or opportunities to learn from a failure he'd experienced.

He recounted a tragic incident, which occurred one early Halloween morning in 1998, when seven of his soldiers were involved in a training accident. Five of them were killed.

"They drove an armored vehicle off a bridge into the water just south of the demilitarized zone in the Republic of Korea," he recounted soberly. "As I faced that crisis, that challenge, I as a leader assumed responsibility for their training and for their lives. At some level I believe I failed them."

But Kolditz said this experience really taught him how a leader needs to behave in a crisis:

"I learned the importance of coaching people how to lead during these difficult experiences," he continued. "A wonderful general met me on that bridge in Korea and coached me through it. The first thing he said was, ‘You know Tom, it’s not what happens to an organization that determines its success or failure, it’s how the leader responds to it that really matters.' I’ll never forget that. It’s made me very resilient in other crises and I hope it’s made me a better leader to those in crises who’ve needed support. “

When the going gets tough, people forget your personality and care more about your competence and ability to lead.

Watch the video version of my talk with Col. Kolditz at West Point below:

Were there any patterns in the childhoods of the Builders highlighted in Success Built to Last?

The backgrounds of the Builders we interviewed were very diverse: some were physically abused or neglected by parents while others had supportive families who helped them follow their dreams. Some had exceptional formal education while others dropped out of school. There were those who were well off and those who struggled to find food.

So, no, there didn’t appear to be patterns in their actual childhood experiences. The pattern that did emerge, however, was in the way the Builders interpreted their early experiences. Those interpretations included the following:

1. “I’m needed” or “If I don’t, than who will address this issue?”

2. “My passions are important” or “This pain must be stopped”.

3.“I can do anything: it’s just a matter of figuring out how” or “This cause is so important, I must DO everything I can, even if I’m not perfect.”

We don't have much of a choice when it comes to where we are born or how our parent's behave. But we do get to choose how we interpret and respond to the situations into which we are thrown.

What are you going to build? What creative, positive thing do you want to create? What does it look like and how hard will you work to achieve it?

“One of my first jobs was to build the 18th floor of a building in Rio de Janeiro,” he recounted. "I noticed that some of the brick layers had a certain average of production, so I suggested that if they could increase production, I would be able to offer them a bigger salary or give them a bonus at the end of the week. I found that productivity increased three, four fold.”

João even examined the quality of their work, thinking perhaps it had gone down considering they were working so much faster. Yet he found that their workmanship was actually better.

“I discovered that more important than the money, was the fact they were being watched and that someone cared and was paying attention to their work. They wanted to do better. So, I think you have to make sure your employees feel that they are an integral part of the organization,” he emphasized.

Your employees should be recognized for their talents and deeper abilities, which is exactly what João did by providing a physical reward for their efforts.

Check out the video of my interview with João below: