The Willpower Instinct

The Willpower Instinct by Dr. Kelly Mcgonigal is a great primer on how to make a change or climb a mountain. Mcgonigal covers the latest research on what it takes to set a goal and achieve it. There are so many surprising ideas in this book regarding more effective ways to get to the top of your mountain. Here are some of my favorites…

1) Plan for Failure –
To prevent the emotional high of setting the goal and the crash of having to implement the goal, researchers have found that people who plan for failure are less likely to give up when the first setback comes. Planning for failure isn’t self-doubt–it’s determination.

2) Getting Distracted From Our Goals is Due to a Lack of Meaning –
“We live in a world of technology, advertisements, and twenty-four hour opportunities that leave us always wanting and rarely satisfied. If we are to have any self-control, we need to separate the real rewards that give our lives meaning from the false rewards that keep us distracted and addicted,” writes Mcgonigal in the book. The key to a determined mindset is to focus on the meaning of the goal. When we get distracted, we need to remember the rewards and stay in the game.

3) Practice Willpower –
Like most things in life, stronger willpower comes from practice. Willpower is a skill that can be learned. If you don’t use it, you’ll lose it. Like a weak muscle, we run out of willpower when we aren’t working it.
This book is like your willpower personal trainer. I really enjoyed its helpful, practical advice. The Willpower Instinct is well researched and friendly, a refreshing approach to setting and achieving goals.

 

What’s worked for you in sticking with your goals?

Third Edition of Coaching For Leadership: Writings on Leadership from the World’s Greatest Coaches

An excellent new edition of the book Coaching For Leadership, edited by Marshall Goldsmith, Laurence S. Lyons and Sarah McArthur, is now out and available for purchase.

This version features writing by Frances Hesselbein, John Baldoni, James Kouzes, Barry Posner, as well as myself, Bonita Buell-Thompson and many outstanding others. The chapter Bonita and I penned, “Double Your Value”, is an iteration of the successful webinar we did with the AMA last year.

Warren Bennis calls the book, “the single best collection of writings and writers on executive coaching.” It’s an incredibly valuable, well put-together resource for anyone interested in coaching and leadership, and it was an honor to contribute to. Order your copy here.

Actions That Stop Depression

Depression is 10 times more common than is was 50 years ago–particularly among our teens.  Here are some actions you can take that not only stop depression, but have been found in studies to be as effective as antidepressants.  These are from the book Flourish by Martin Seligman.

1) Do a kindness for someone.This action has the greatest increase in self-reported well-being.

2) Write a letter of gratitude to someone who has changed your life in a positive way (or visit the person and tell them how much they mean to you.)

3) Keep a diary of the top 3 greatest blessings that happened that day and why they happened. For example:
Husband ran to the store for me – I have a thoughtful husband.

Daughter did really well on a test – My daughter is a hard-working student.

I organized a closet so it is much more peaceful – I enjoy peace and am willing to work for it.

It’s important to physically write these down, and keeping a log helps you to review what’s right about your life when you are feeling low. This is great activity to do before going to sleep.

4) Focus on your strengths and tell a story of how you use those strengths.  You can even use a “Strengths Finder”, found at www.authentichappiness.org

5) Forgive by acknowledging how negative events strengthened you.  

6) Focus on increasing satisfaction rather than maximizing satisfaction.  What can you do to increase your satisfaction in a situation?  Don’t expect perfection but rather increase.

7) See bad events as temporary, changeable and local.

8 ) Plan pleasurable activities and practice truly savoring them when you do them.  Savoring is a skill.

9) Exercise – Get oxygen to your brain.

10) Set goals that are achievable and achieve them.

11) When you have problems, brainstorm their solution.  Brainstorming helps you focus on the solution rather than the problem and it also helps you recognize that there may be many possible solutions.

12) Acknowledge when you have given value to others.  We’re taught it’s not OK to praise ourselves, but it’s actually very healthy to do this, even if it’s just in private.

The Banjo Player: Steve Martin’s Diligence

Most of us know Steve Martin as comic, actor, and occasional author and director. His role as banjo player, however, has been one of the most informative of his career.
In his 2007 interview with Charlie Rose, Steve recounted his experience learning to play the instrument.
“I remember getting my first banjo, and reading the book saying ‘this is how you play the C chord,’ and I put my fingers down to play the C chord and I couldn’t tell the difference.”

“But I told myself,” he continued, “just stick with this, just keep playing, and one day you’ll have been playing for 40 years, and at this point, you’ll know how to play.”

In 1960s California, the banjo was an interesting choice of instrument–there weren’t a lot of lessons being offered if any. Instead, Steve would take Earl Scruggs records and slow them down from 33 RPM to 16 RPM and then tune down the banjo to match the slower speed. He’d then tediously pick out the notes, one by one.

Later, when Steve began his stand up comedy career, he decided to make the banjo part of his routine.

“The reason I played [banjo] on stage,” he explained in an ABC interview, “is because…I thought it’s probably good to show the audience I can do something that looks hard, because this act looks like I’m just making it up.”

50 years after Steve began his attempt at playing banjo, he released his first album, “The Crow” in 2009 and it won a Grammy. He’s since been nominated for another. It’s not far off from the 40 years he’d told himself as a teenager it would take to learn how to play.

Steve’s memoir, Born Standing Up, defines diligence not just in terms of persistence, but also the integration of seemingly unrelated pursuits.
Steve was of course exagerrating when he projected it would take 40 years to get good at the banjo, and was obviously playing at a high-level after 5 – 10 years of taking up the instrument when he began using it in his act. But his resolution reflects a deeper truth: getting good at something is not to be taken lightly, and skill is to be developed over the course of a life.

Using Your Passion to Double Action: Bono and Gates

No stranger to controversy, Paul Hewson built two of his passions into dual careers that have brought him fame, a sort of infamy, and created enormous value for those the world over.

I have to admit I didn’t recognize him nor know much about his music or his social activism when I ran into him accidentally in New York. I was standing at a reception, when this sort of shaggy, Irish-sounding bloke burst into the conversation wearing the kind of see-through sunglasses rock star wannabes often wear.  After a few moments, though, it was clear that the joke was on me: he was Bono, as Paul Hewson is affectionately known, erupting with infectious enthusiasm and playful banter that would steal the show. As it turned out, the new century’s odd couple of philanthropic activism, Bono and Bill Gates, were there to announce their latest HIV initiative. 

The Paranoid Survive, But the Passionate Prosper

Three decades ago, Bono saw an ad to form a band that, after the usual artistic fits and starts, eventually exploded to become the enormously popular U2. In both his music and his social activism, Bono takes on the biggest of issues: love and hate, life and death, power and politics.

Today, he faces criticism about whether his main love, music, and his second passion, social activism, might both be losing their progressive edginess in favor of self-promotion or political correctness as deference to his growing circle of rich, famous and powerful friends.

“Aren’t you sleeping with the enemy?” an anonymous bystander took a cheap shot as we walked quickly down the hall, rushing to another meeting.

The jab was in reference Bono’s high profile hobnobbing with the suits, crashing on Bill Gates’ couch or holding court with Presidents Bush and Clinton.

Bono ignored the provocation and then attacked as if he had started the argument: “Do you really want these ideas to die?” he snapped. “It’s an everyday holocaust. Twenty-five million Africans who are HIV-positive will leave behind 40 million AIDS orphans by the end of the decade.”

He stopped for a moment in the hallway. His temperature dropped as he sighed, turning from adversary to recruiter.

“It’s time we all got a bloody grip on this, don’t you think? It’s pathetic, gutless really. It doesn’t have to be this way. We can do something about this.”

Bono, along with his pals, Bill and Melinda Gates, were named Time Magazine’s Persons of the Year in 2005 for their unlikely but extraordinary alliance in rallying otherwise adversarial economic and political powers to have an enormous value impact on global social issues.

Every Passion Counts

Rich people have been giving piles of money away to good causes for generations, but it’s obvious when you sit down with Gates and Bono that they’re passionate about using their resources and positions as public figures to double the value of traditional philanthropy.

“I have no interest in cocktail parties,” Bill Gates will tell you.

Whether sitting on the mud floor of a hut in Africa, or sipping champagne with the rich and famous in Washington D.C., Gates and Bono have learned how to work the system in government and business to get tangible results.

“We let our own pathetic excuses about how it’s ‘difficult’ [to make social change really happen] justify our own inaction,” Bono told the World Association of Reporters, entreating the media and public to get with the program. “Be honest: we have the science, the technology, and the wealth. What we don’t have is the will, and that’s not a reason that history will accept.”

Gates and Bono have been relentless in doing whatever has mattered to them in their lives, but have also always found ways disrupt the standard approach in order to build new and world-changing value.  This time, they’re on a historic mission that’s a far cry from their beginnings: make change in parts of the world where things haven’t gotten better for generations.

 

For those who are committed to creating and doubling their value, there is not just one thing to do with their life.  Every passion counts.

 

 

DOUBLE YOUR VALUE…TO CUSTOMERS & YOUR BOSS.

As we gear up for the release of our next book, Double Your Value, check out what the wonderful Richard Branson has to say about it (this will be the book’s foreward):

DOUBLE YOUR VALUE…TO CUSTOMERS & YOUR BOSS.    

By Sir Richard Branson

Our dear friend Steve Fossett once said that “anything worthwhile doing—that makes a difference—gets started when creativity, adventure and necessity finally outweigh fear, complacency, poverty, and outside criticism.”

Early in his career, Steve was disengaged from his work and life. He was a frustrated wage-slave but he broke free and built a new life and his own successful financial services business. He went on to attempt world titles in five sports, failing plenty of times; but ultimately he set 116 records—more than any other human being in history!

What you may not know is Steve and many of the world’s most successful people have felt overwhelmed in their lives—they’ve all experienced great frustration or fear of the risks necessary to do anything that really matters.

There is a cure: Taking Action.  You will Double Your Value (or more!) to the people who matter to you when You Ask What Can Do to make a difference. Most people want to make a meaningful impact, but get stuck along the way.  In this book, Mark, Bonita, and Marshall reveal powerful strategies from their latest research that will help you make it happen. Read it and then go try it.